Tuesday, April 17, 2007

My Heart is Breaking ....

And I don't know what to do or how to help. Matt just called and he forgot. His wife is pissed and I feel that she has no right to be. Today is his wedding anniversary. He forgot. He didn't acknowledge it. (As a side note, his mother-in-law forgot too.) But his marriage is in shambles - he has tried and tried and things just don't seem to get any better. He asked me what to do and I had no answer for him. Mothers are supposed to have answers ...

I never forget! I always acknowledge birthdays and anniversaries (and other events too!) But, today I didn't. No card in the mail, no phone call ... I just couldn't do it. Being in the situation that they are in ... It just didn't feel right. How could I send them Happy Wishes when they aren't happy? How could I celebrate something that may not be in existence much longer? I hate divorce ... I've been there. He's torn ... there are kids involved. He loves them - he misses them when he isn't there.

As soon as I left for CO, he went home. I don't understand ... he hasn't talked about it ... He's an adult and I can't fix everything for him ... But, I'm his Mother. I feel so helpless ... I had a feeling that he'd go back. I thought about it during the entire trip across the country. She had called him before I left and berated him for "abandoning his children". He didn't abandon them ... he was trying to give her her space. She said "You could have least called them". I know (and I think he knew too) that if he had called she would have said NO and not let him speak to them. She is manipulative - she is controlling - she loves to put you a guilt trip.

It just didn't feel right. I just couldn't do it. And now, I feel like I failed him miserably. I am supposed to be there for him, and I wasn't. I'm his mother.

My original post got put on the back burner. I have to work through this first.

It just hasn't been a good week so far (and it's only Tuesday). Tonight, I learned that the killer of all those innocent people at VA Tech is from Northern Virginia - Centreville - less than a hour away from where I live. I felt sick to my stomach when I read it. And there was a tragic fire just down the road from where I live early yesterday morning. A 24 year old firefighter lost his life. He was searching for the 7 occupants of the house - the roof collapsed, the high winds made the fire burn furiously - the people had gotten out and no one told the firefighters. Another life lost that potentially could have been prevented.

My heart is breaking ... for one that I love and for so many that I have never met.


frannie said...

I wish I had some comforting and inspiring words. I don't. and I'm sorry for that.

I just wanted to let you know that I am here listening.

Amy W said...

I hadn't heard about the firefighter...what a crazy week.

SJ said...

When Matt is ready for help, he'll reach out to you. Until then, just be there, I'm sure that's enough even though it doesn't seem like it.

CPA_Mom said...

Just be there for him. That's all I needed from my mom when I got divorced. Just and ear and a shoulder.