My Heart is Breaking ....

And I don't know what to do or how to help. Matt just called and he forgot. His wife is pissed and I feel that she has no right to be. Today is his wedding anniversary. He forgot. He didn't acknowledge it. (As a side note, his mother-in-law forgot too.) But his marriage is in shambles - he has tried and tried and things just don't seem to get any better. He asked me what to do and I had no answer for him. Mothers are supposed to have answers ...

I never forget! I always acknowledge birthdays and anniversaries (and other events too!) But, today I didn't. No card in the mail, no phone call ... I just couldn't do it. Being in the situation that they are in ... It just didn't feel right. How could I send them Happy Wishes when they aren't happy? How could I celebrate something that may not be in existence much longer? I hate divorce ... I've been there. He's torn ... there are kids involved. He loves them - he misses them when he isn't there.

As soon as I left for CO, he went home. I don't understand ... he hasn't talked about it ... He's an adult and I can't fix everything for him ... But, I'm his Mother. I feel so helpless ... I had a feeling that he'd go back. I thought about it during the entire trip across the country. She had called him before I left and berated him for "abandoning his children". He didn't abandon them ... he was trying to give her her space. She said "You could have least called them". I know (and I think he knew too) that if he had called she would have said NO and not let him speak to them. She is manipulative - she is controlling - she loves to put you a guilt trip.

It just didn't feel right. I just couldn't do it. And now, I feel like I failed him miserably. I am supposed to be there for him, and I wasn't. I'm his mother.

My original post got put on the back burner. I have to work through this first.

It just hasn't been a good week so far (and it's only Tuesday). Tonight, I learned that the killer of all those innocent people at VA Tech is from Northern Virginia - Centreville - less than a hour away from where I live. I felt sick to my stomach when I read it. And there was a tragic fire just down the road from where I live early yesterday morning. A 24 year old firefighter lost his life. He was searching for the 7 occupants of the house - the roof collapsed, the high winds made the fire burn furiously - the people had gotten out and no one told the firefighters. Another life lost that potentially could have been prevented.

My heart is breaking ... for one that I love and for so many that I have never met.